Content warning: This article contains graphic descriptions of alleged sexual and physical abuse.
Individuals’ names have been changed in order to protect their privacy, or that of their child /adolescent.
safiya & abdi's story
Safiya and her husband Abdi knew that their children Jackson and Emma would go through a period of adjustment after adoption. But soon after they welcomed them home, Jackson’s behaviour began to take a scary turn. It was the beginning of a lonely and frightening experience called AFCCA.
Because Jackson's aggression seemed out of the ordinary, Safiya and Abdi sought advice from experts. The couple were told that it was temporary, and that their son would settle with time. But then, Jackson began entering his sister Emma’s room at night, pinning her down and trying to kiss her. It wasn’t safe to leave them alone. When Safiya asked why he did this, he said “I need to give her payback, because she is the one that everybody loves, and I should be the one everybody loves.”
Safiya thought: ‘If I don't talk to someone right now I don't have a family anymore, because the kids might be taken from us.’”
Throughout this time, Safiya and Abdi sought help for their son from doctors and social services, but nothing really made a difference. Jackson tried to get Abdi into trouble with disturbing accusations. “He said: ‘I'm going to tell the principal that he hit me, and I'm going to tell the principal that Daddy likes to put me in his lap and put his pee pee in my bumhole,’” Safiya recalls.
Safiya inquired about group home options for Jackson, but there was nothing available for his age without Safiya and Abdi being required to relinquish their parental rights. In November 2022, after several attempts to get support from the Children’s Aid Society, Safiya was given a chilling ultimatum: either keep Jackson in the house or be forced to give up both children.
Safiya thought: ‘If I don't talk to someone right now I don't have a family anymore, because the kids might be taken from us.’”
“Dismissing [it] doesn’t help make things better.”
This story is shared with permission from National Consortium partner, Adopt4Life. Adopt4Life’s AFCCA Family Support program has developed 3 family stories that shed light on the experiences of families living with AFCCA. Safiya’s family is experiencing intensive levels of aggression towards multiple family members.
Joining the AFCCA Family Supports Program changed everything.
When Safiya reached out to Adopt4Life, she was connected with the AFCCA team right away. She and Abdi joined a Polyvagal Therapy group which taught them how to regulate themselves during times of crisis or danger, and bounce back more quickly from stress. They also joined a Nonviolent Resistance group to help them effectively address Jackson’s behaviour. It was life changing.
Today, Safiya and Abdi both feel confident about managing Jackson’s behaviour and have a network of social support. They no longer worry about their children being taken away from them: “We got off the edge of the precipice, and we started to feel like ourselves again.”
Most AFCCA families are going without the help they desperately need
Safiya’s family has greatly benefited from targeted support for AFCCA, but they are one of a very small number. Adopt4Life is aware of several hundred families who could benefit from the AFCCA Family Supports Program, but the funding is only available to support families who have gone through the public adoption process and are facing the most difficult crises. AFCCA is not exclusive to the adoption community.
Here’s what Safiya wants Canadians to know about AFCCA:
